so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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