can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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