I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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