Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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