so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
