1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize