is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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