I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
