You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
