Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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