i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pants are for mortals
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
