yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
