apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
