she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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