youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
