You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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