It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize