yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
