Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
