just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
