I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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