best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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