goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the day after is always just damage control
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
