my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
