Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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