why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize