Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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