Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
