I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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