you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
