When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
