Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
