There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
