Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
