i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
