Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
