You're completely useless in the revolution.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
