FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
