I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
