i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize