Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
