"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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