You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
