I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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