i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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