yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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