he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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