guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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