I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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