It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
