Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
