Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
