I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
