we have pet lesbian snakes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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