I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
