u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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