why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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