I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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