yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i permit you to call me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize