margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
