i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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