the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My bed smells like the plague
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
