listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
