It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The air was thick with penises
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
