I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
