I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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