I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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