Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
