Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
