I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
