You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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