if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
