I'm so fucking centered right now
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
