you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize