whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
